April 20th 1998

CB1, the world's most infamous CyberCafe launches a new Website.

Currently CB1 is the most successful cybercafe in the world. It is unique in its funny tasting coffee, uncomfortable seating arrangement and lack of working internet connection.

But in spite of this, Danielle Sturdy still manages to run the world's most successful CyberCafe. It opened over three years ago and on paper, Daniel Sturdy is 2.34 times richer than Bill Gates. However Gates wins hands down on follicle mass.

The cafe is the fastest connected internet cafe in the world - it only took three days for BT to get it right. Now with its 2mb line to the world, even Bill Gates comes in to get his email.

We asked the impossible to get hold of, but very famous, Bill Thompson [who? ed.], what he thought of CB1; he told us to [kindly move out of the way] and that the cheque was in the post...?

CB1's website currently sees about 2.6 million visitors a day. To cope with this CB1 recently installed a Silicon Graphics box with 4gigs of ram and a 9figs raid. This machine is a quad processor with 4x440Megahertz chips, it happily fills our 1200 baud modem bandwidth. It also doubles as CB1's cappuccino machine [ah... ed.].

CB1 was forced to redesign the site to keep up with public demand. They commissioned the world's best and most expensive Web designer - Chris Tighe-Ford. He spent three months deliberating and then finally admitted that he was only just learning HTML and if CB1 waited a few years then he might be able to help. So they commissioned the damien newman.

Damien Newman was one of the founding Directors of PUSH TV. He has worked on sites such as Datalake and took a year to deliver a website to the Cambridge Drama Center that they didn't even like. So it made sense for Damien to redesign the CB1 website.

Damien ended up doing it for free as he was recently fired from Burger King for consecutively giving the customers what they ordered.

Daniel Sturdy seemed reasonably pleased with it, when asked to comment on it - he kicked me in my head.