Why I am unromantic

Many people (I've noticed this a lot amongst young ladies I fell for before I dropped romanticism) want to be affirmed as valuable, and so want you (their friends in general, or anyone who seems interested in pairing up with them) to go out of their way for them... doing something inherently valuable for them doesn't mean much to them if it didn't ``cost'' you much.. something that you would have done anyway, or something that you're happy to do isn't of interest to such people. No, it has to be something you didn't want to do, whether or not it is something that they wanted in its own right. (And it is often at their behest.) Since, for me, it is important to do what I consider to be right, such people will feel that I value them only if I do the opposite of what I've worked out as being right... and so they want me to do wrong.

I don't mean this in any sexist way (that is, as demeaning any quality intrinsic to one sex): I would not claim that it applies to all women, or only to women... it's just something I've noticed among may of the women I've been involved with or attracted to (and so part of the problem may be with which ones I've been attracted to... I've noticed that their eventually-chosen partners tend to be very docile and obedient, and not have strong desires, wishes, opinions or plans of their own). And I don't think the apparent gender link is biological -- I think it comes largely from the low esteem that society tends to push on women. But, two wrongs don't make a right, and so I don't let myself be drawn into a relationship thought which I can be manipulated into doing other than what I'm convinced is right! (I get things wrong enough anyway without being manipulated into being worse!)

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For other essays, see the index to this collection; and for some other thoughts, my thoughts index.

Last modified: Sun Jun 10 22:28:51 GMT Daylight Time 2007